The Myth of Creating Less As A Parent

While anticipating the birth of our older daughter, I was just like every other soon-to-be dad. Scared. Scared I wouldn’t know how to care for a newborn. What if I don’t know what to do? Will I be a fun dad? Will I accidentally scar her for life by revealing her secret crush in front of her friends? While I was scared for her future, I was also scared for another selfish reason– I was scared I would lose all of my free time to create. I was convinced this kid would suck every ounce of creative energy I had through never ending fits, soiling endless diapers and sleepless nights. It’s a real, rational fear based off of stories we all hear.

That was seven years ago. Fast forward to three weeks ago.  While going through my journals from the first three years of my daughter’s life, I realized something very different happened. I was actually creating more than before we had a child. And after our second daughter? Even more.

So why is this? Did I abandon my paternal duties and children for my own interests? Not even close. I’d like to think I’m a good dad that gives his kids the attention they need…approximately 81.7% of the time (none of us are perfect and Stranger Things was too good not to binge while they played on the iPad).

So here’s what I realized:

I Needed To Budget My Time Like I Budgeted My Money. Being busy before kids is a lot different than being busy after kids. I know that is an eye-roll inducing statement, but it’s true. The amount of sleep is cut drastically and the number of events, choices and lives I was responsible for became overwhelming. So I created a time budget. In budgeting finances, the fewer dollars you have, the farther you’ll try and make them stretch. That’s what happens to our time after having kids. The fewer precious minutes I had to myself, the more I would make them count. I looked for the pockets of dead time that I didn’t have anything to do but scroll through my phone. Seven minutes here, 14 minutes there, it all adds up to time that can be productive if you focus.

My reasons for creating became less selfish. Before kids, my reasons for creating were more ego driven. Having children gave me better reasons to create. I wanted to make things that would make my kids think I’m cool when they grew up. I wanted to make important things that would teach my kids lessons. And yes, I wanted to make things so my family could have a little extra money at the end of the month.

I wanted more shared experiences while creating. I wanted to teach my kids the joy of telling stories. In the top drawer is my daughter’s first book she created and gave to me. She watched me make my books and thankfully it rubbed off. That’s a feeling like no other when something you love doing trickles down to your children.

I know the truth for me was that creating less after kids simply wasn’t true, but I wanted to ask a couple of my other friends if they felt the same way. These are not only prolific creators, but also great fathers. Here’s what they had to say:

Robert Wagner is a Toledo, Ohio-based Photographer and Videographer.

Did You Create More After Having Kids?

“I would say yes and mostly because my priorities changed. Before kids I was a stupid college kid. My priorities were usually things like going to the bar, wasting time with friends etc. The closest thing to creative stuff I did was being in a band. I was in a band because I thought it would make me look cool and maybe get me girls. I bought my first camera (Canon Powereshot) while my wife was pregnant with our first child (Noah) and ever since then I became obsessed with taking pictures. Less than I year later I bought an entry level dslr to take pictures of Noah because I never liked the commercial type photography studios and thought I could do better. So sometimes I think “if I didn’t have kids I’d be able to shoot so much more or just have so much more time”. But then I think of “pre-kids Rob” and realize that my priorities would have probably not changed dramatically. When it boils down, I think everyone has different sets of constraints on their time and it’s up to the individual to decide their priorities. If someone is driven to create, I believe that nothing will stop them. If I go a week without shooting something, I feel incomplete. So despite kids and family and job, I make it a priority.”

Eric Ward aka @littlecoal is a Northwest Ohio based photographer. You can find him on Instagram @littlecoal

How Do You Dispel the Myth of Creating Less as a Parent?

“I agree with a lot of what Rob said. Before kids I would…I…I actually can’t remember what I did before kids! I know that with my kids in my life, I would tell you that I am busier than ever, but also somehow find/make the time to create. Often, it begins with going on an adventure with the kids and simply bringing my camera along. For years I only shot on my phone ,and I think I did so for so long because it allowed me to be creative while out with my kids, but do so in a way that didn’t feel like it was the reason we were out in the first place. I do the same with my camera now, but always try to keep those moments quick, so as not to miss the time with them.

As for creating away from my kids, I’ve had to plan time each week where I just get out for a few hours, without a plan, and just shoot. Those moments of driving or walking through downtown or a park give me an opportunity to let my mind relax and wander, which has often led to some of my favorite creative moments.”

– Eric Ward @littlecoal